Don't know the author. Got this by email today and thought it hilarious enough to share. I added and took out a few things for better effects.
24 things we've learned from Nollywood
1. Every problem you have is spiritual.
2. In every romance movie, someone must die.
3. It is possible to hit a person without actually touching them!
4. Anyone who gets hit by a car dies immediately.
5. Poisoned food always tastes better.
6. The best way to make money is by visiting a 'Babalawo' and give an offering of a relative or close friend, sleep with an 'arizto' or join a cult. One movie I watched, a guy gave his mother's heart. Very disgusting.
7. One of a pair of twins (identical or not) is born evil.
8. There is never an end to your suffering, except through death!
9. With a pastor ... all things are possible.
10. A movie can be titled anything... such as:
*The boy is mine,
* Face me, I face you
*Two rats,
*Spanner
*Calculator
*Igala
*Ijele
*Igodo
*Igudu
*Shigidi
11. A movie has not started if at least one actor or actress has not 'shelled' or twisted her lips and rolled her eyeballs.
12. You are in love... you want to take your girl out, the best place you take her to is...
*Mr. Biggs/Tantalizers: where you'll most probably see an ex while
feeding each other.
*The beach: where it is imperative that you ride a donkey and carry her playfully.
*Or the best: take her to buy some new clothes
13. Rita Dominic is the main character of every new movie. There's no escaping her these days, be it she's a great actress, she's hard to avoid.
14. Gun shots and knock-outs sound the same!
15. Sometimes the title has absolutely nothing to do with the movie and other times, once you read the title and see the poster you know it all!!! (Also the soundtrack gives you a headache because it just narrates the whole story repeatedly - so much for suspense and intrigue!)
16. A love story has not been produced if it does not have one or two
of the following actresses-
* Stella Damascus Aboderin
* Stephanie Okereke
* Genevieve Nnaji
* Omotola Jalade-Ekeinde
* Rita Dominic
17. The police are extremely 'efficient' unlike their counterparts in
real life.
18. An actress can wear the same hairdo for more than a year and even
in longer flashbacks.
19. It is permissible to wear dark shades at night!
20. When you are shot in the chest, it really doesn't matter; your head will be bandaged! Same for your legs!
21. When advertising a movie, you really should shout because... people
are deaf?
22. When you are extremely poor, you will still be able to afford- very good furniture, T.V., but you won't be able to send your kids to school.
23. Your gateman must be inefficient and comical. He MUST dress like a retard, be rude to all your visitors and never mind his business.
24. My personal favorite- the bad guy either dies or gets caught by
none other than the police- LOL!!!!!
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4 comments:
lol that was hilarious............nice blog by the way.
LMAO!! No 18 is soooo true!! Oh another one-anyone that travels out of the country must (a) travel to the U.S or UK (atimes to other countrys but see B) (b)have automatic fake American accent (c) must wear baggy jeans, fake blings and bandanas??!! It is sooooo annoying!!
YAY>> I"M FIRST!!! I read this b4 but it gets me everytime... too too funny and so true! WHATS MY PRIZE?!?!?!?!
@yankeenaijachick: From your previous comments, i feel like i know you and vice versa. hmmm...would u like to help me out on this one.
@moody crab: yep, lol @ fake blings and bandana..especially the fake accents. if you cannot duplicate a believable accent, you shouldn't have gotten the job. and that's real. LMAO.
@overwhelmed naija babe: LOL..sweerie, seems like you are third place, so u will have make do with a consolation prize instead. I'll be contacting you with further details on how to claim your prize. lol..
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